5 Examples of Healthy Boundaries We Learn from God.

5 Examples of Healthy Boundaries We Learn From God

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We’ve embarked on a quest through this boundaries Bible study to learn what Scripture has to say about boundaries so we can learn how to define and implement them in our own lives and relationships. (Click for whole series) In our first section, we learned how to define boundaries God’s way. This time, we’re looking at some examples of healthy boundaries God has set for us in the Bible. We’re hoping that by looking to His perfect example, we’ll glean some wisdom about how to set our own godly boundaries.

5 of God’s Examples of Healthy Boundaries

In reality, there are countless times in the Bible when God demonstrates for us examples of healthy boundaries. It can become difficult to put all that information together in order to come up with some Biblical principles of boundaries to guide us as we set our own.

But after more than three years of studying the Bible on this very specific topic, that’s exactly what I’m going to try to do. I’ve come up with five principles I believe we can apply to our own efforts in setting down our borders. They’re based completely on God’s example through the pages of Scripture.

  1. Godly boundaries stem from an understanding of who we are, and a refusal to be defined as anything less.
  2. God’s boundaries in the Bible are made with the intent to draw others in and build healthy relationships, not tear them down or punish
  3. Godly boundaries lovingly offer choice to others rather than attempting to control them. 
  4. God’s examples of healthy boundaries clearly communicate their expectations, and the reasons behind them. 
  5. Biblical principles of boundaries show clearly defined consequences for a violation of their borders

And in the next section of this Biblical Boundaries series I’ll give you five more principles.

*Here’s another great article from To Love, Honor, and Vacuum, on whether or not boundaries are Biblical.

1. Godly Boundaries Stem from an Understanding of Who We are, and a Refusal to be Defined as Anything Less.

Jeremiah 5:22-23 & 25 – Have you no respect for me? Why don’t you tremble in My presence? I, the Lord, define the ocean’s sandy shoreline and an everlasting boundary that the waters cannot cross. The waves may toss and roar, but they can never pass the boundaries I set. But My people have stubborn and rebellious hearts. They have turned away and abandoned Me… Your wickedness has deprived you of these wonderful blessings. Your sin has robbed you of all these good things. 

God knows who He is. He is God. Our Lord doesn’t pretend to be anything less, and He does not tolerate being treated as such.  He has no qualms about boldly declaring His Lordship, nor fear of claiming His attributes.

So many of the boundaries He has established stem from this simple truth: Disrespecting Him as anything less than the One True God will deprive us of blessing, rob us of good things, and separate us from Him. 

God knows who He is. He is God. He doesn't pretend to be anything less, and He does not tolerate being treated as such.  He has no qualms about boldly declaring His Lordship, nor fear of claiming His attributes. Click To Tweet

We need to follow His example. We need to know and understand who we are in Him. (Click for a Series that can help with that.) The children of the One True God are set apart. They do not abide with sin or join themselves to corruption. They establish their borders with integrity, only allowing in what honors Him, and therefore respects their position in Him. 

2 Corinthians 6:14-15 – Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? And  what union can there be between God’s temple and idols?

For we are the temple of the living God... Therefore, come out from among unbelievers, and separate yourselves from them, says the Lord. 2 Corinthians 6:16-17

2. God’s Boundaries in the Bible are Made with the Intent to Draw Others in and Build Healthy Relationships, not Tear them Down or Punish

Acts 17:26 – From one man He created all the nations throughout the whole earth. He decided beforehand when they should rise and fall, and He determined their boundaries. His purpose was for the nations to seek after God and perhaps feel their way toward Him and find Him – though He is not far from any one of us. 

Everything God has established, every parameter He lays is meant to draw people everywhere to Him. Even the consequences of broken boundaries have been established, not simply to punish, but to bring us to the realization that we need Him. We need Him desperately.

If going it alone led to comfort and contentment, what would compel us to seek reconciliation to Him? If our sin didn’t hurt us, why would we need Jesus?

Our boundaries (if they are examples of healthy boundaries) will do the same.

If we go out of our way to make a person who is violating our borders comfortable we are doing him a great disservice! We’re enabling him to continue to live in sin, or worse, making it easy to do so.  

On the other hand, when our response to a violated boundary disrupts the comfort of the violator, we’re actually communicating a longing to draw others back into right relationship. This response is not meant simply to make them suffer, but to shed light on the pain and displeasure of living in sin.

When contrasted with the peace and joy of obedience to God, we hope our boundaries draw the people we love to respond with repentance.

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5 Examples of Healthy Boundries We Learn From God
For we are the temple of the living God... Therefore, come out from among unbelievers, and separate yourselves from them, says the Lord. 2 Corinthians 6:16-17

3. Godly Boundaries Lovingly Offer Choice to Others Rather than Attempting to Control Them. 

Revelation 3:20 – Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends. Those who are victorious will sit with Me on My throne, just as I was victorious and sat with my Father on His throne. Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what He is saying to the churches. 

Scripture is clear. God does not force us into relationship with Him. He could. He has the power. And He wants us to come to Him. We’re told He doesn’t want ANYONE to perish, but for ALL to come to repentance. Yet, He doesn’t force His way in.

He stands at the door and knocks. He invites us to choose Him and rewards us greatly when we do. 

Godly boundaries follow His example.

God has every right to force us to follow Him, just as we have “the right” to a healthy relationship with certain people. When my love promised to spend the rest of his life loving, honoring, and cherishing me, he gave me the right to demand that.  

But examples of healthy boundaries say, “I may have the right to this, but I’m still going to let you choose. I’ll invite you to love, honor and cherish me, but you get to choose whether or not you will. Your choice will determine whether you’ll experience the rewards relationship, or give up that relationship.”  

Remember, God doesn’t come in to enjoy a meal of friendship with those who leave the door unanswered. Those who reject Him will not sit with Him on His throne. They were given the choice and chose eternal separation.

4. God’s Examples of Healthy Boundaries Clearly Communicate their Expectations, and the Reasons Behind Them. 

Deuteronomy 7: 1-4 When the Lord your God brings you into the land you are about to enter and occupy, He will clear away many nations ahead of you…when the Lord your God hands these nations over to you and you conquer them, you must completely destroy them. Make no treaties with them and show them no mercy. You must not intermarry with them. Do not let your daughters and sons marry their sons and daughters, for they will lead your children away from me to worship other gods. Then the anger of the Lord will burn against you, and He will quickly destroy you. 

God does not make His people guess what He expects of them. He doesn’t assume that they’ll just know.

He also rarely demands something without explaining why.

Instead, in God’s example of healthy boundaries, He lays out His expectations in detail, communicates them clearly (almost always more than once), explains His reasoning and motivation, and very often asks that the boundary be written down and regularly reviewed. 

A healthy Biblical boundary will follow this example.

When making godly boundaries, we’ll take the time to examine our motives so we’ll be able to clearly communicate them.

Then, We will sit down with our relationship partner (husband, child, parent, etc…) and have a conversation about the boundary and the reasons behind it. If he/she won’t listen, we’ll write it down or record it clearly and in detail and ask him to read it or listen to it. 

If we need to do it again later, we will. 

Once the boundary has been clearly communicated, we’ll write it down and ask that it be confirmed. We’ll leave no room for there to be any confusion as to what is expected.

God does not make His people guess what He expects of them. He doesn't assume they'll just know. He also rarely demands something without explaining why. Instead, He clearly communicates His motives and expectations. Click To Tweet

5. Biblical Principles of Boundaries Show Clearly Defined Consequences for a Violation of Their Borders

Romans 6:23 – For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord. 

Exodus 19:12 – Mark off a boundary all around the mountain. Warn the people, “Be careful! Do not go up on the mountain or even touch its boundaries. Anyone who touches the mountain will certainly be put to death.” 

God’s boundaries in the Bible never mince words when it comes to letting us know what will happen if we choose to step outside of His border.

He made the consequences clear to Adam and Eve in the garden, He stated them plainly to Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, David, and countless others, and He has communicated them clearly to us.

The wages of sin is, always has been, and always will be death. Eternal separation from Him. Period. The only way to avoid those consequences is to operate within His boundaries – to accept His free gift of saving grace and eternal life in relationship with Him. 

In our own examples of healthy boundaries we will always be clear about what will happen outside of their borders as well. This is the only way the other person can have all the information necessary to make his choice.

Adam and Eve chose knowledge over perfection. The people of Israel chose indulgence in the worship of idols over submission to the One True God. People far too often choose the pain of violated boundaries over healthy relationship.

This is true for God’s boundaries in the Bible, and sadly, it will be true for us too. Boundaries don’t ensure that there is no violation. They simply lay out what we will do as a result. 

Next Week’s Biblical Principles of Boundaries

The Bible tells us in Ephesians 5:1-5 that we are to be imitators of God. So far we’ve established 5 principles from our awesome God’s examples of healthy boundaries. So as imitators of Him, we need to do the same. We need to:

  1. Be sure our boundaries stem from an understanding of who we are in Christ. They need to reflect the character and position of a child of the Lord God almighty – created in His image, purchased for a price, and set apart as holy for Him.
  2. Establish boundaries with the intent to draw others in not push them away.
  3. Set up our boundaries not to control others, but to offer them a choice.
  4. Be wholly committed to clearly communicating our boundaries, and the reasons behind them every single time. We can not ever again assume that someone “just knows.”
  5. Be equally committed to clearly defining the consequences to a violated border. No one should ever have to guess again what I will do if…

Next week we’ll add to this list with 5 more principles for establishing healthy boundaries learned from the example of God in Scripture.

  1. Godly boundaries will draw out the true heart of others ultimately expediting a resolution – one way or the other. 
  2. Boundaries in the Bible are genuinely concerned for the well-being of another.
  3. Biblical boundaries are loving.
  4. Godly boundaries are faithfully enforced – even though it really hurts us to do so.
  5. Boundaries that follow God’s example always provide a gate. 

*How about you? What do you think about these verses and the Biblical principles of boundaries I’ve drawn from them? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!


Did you know all the content in this series has been expanded into an interactive workbook full of questions and prompts to help you work through this issue in your own life? Click through the image below and get yours today!

What does the Bible say about relational boundaries? Find answers to that question and many others. Learn how to define, establish, and implement healthy, God-honoring boundaries in your own life with the Biblical Boundaries Workbook. Available now on Amazon!

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11 thoughts on “5 Examples of Healthy Boundaries We Learn from God.”

  1. I am still learning to set healthy boundaries. I love how you weaved love throughout this post while at the same time maintaining integrity and honor as what is allowed within our borders. I used to give angry (non God fearing people) too much voice in my life. But now anymore. If they want to find me, they need to go through Jesus. I am working on a little FB Post about that! ❤ Thank you for this beautiful post!

  2. GrowIng up in an alcoholic home, we had no boundaries, so naturally having addiction in our family now means boundaries are always being tested. Thank you for this article on biblical boundaries. It is full of wisdom and guidance on how to live lives built on having boundaries as the Lord designed them.

  3. This is so good! I remember when I first heard about God’s boundaries more than a decade ago, I was amazed at how clear God was in telling us what He likes and doesn’t like. I think you illustrated this point well and how we should model God’s boundaries in erecting our own.

  4. I love this! It is so important for healthy relationships to set boundaries but not many people know how to do it or do it from a bibliical perspective!

  5. For the first time in my life and marriage, I am realizing that I need boundaries. I had good friends tell me early on in my marriage that I needed boundaries in my marriage but I never fully understood what that meant or how to establish them. The important thing is that I am learning about how to keep myself safe and how to establish boundaries for my marriage moving forward.

    1. We can only go forward Meghan! God’s plan was not surprised by the fact that you missed out on this for so many years. He will do His work in spite of us, and I think there is great peace in that knowledge! But, once we do know what we should do, we need to do it! I pray He fills you with wisdom as you try to figure this complicated issue out and make it a part of your life! God bless!

  6. Esther,

    I believe you have not rightly divided the Word of God in your using of Eph 5:1-5.
    “Be ye therefore followers of God, as dear children; And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour. But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; Neither filithiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks. For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.”

    This is simply setting or reiterating a boundary of being holy and righteous before God. It is not saying do everything God does. By the way that this article extrapolates and applies the Word in this instance, we should be able to create worlds, shake the heavens, destroy the world, because God has done these things and will do them again.

    Also we should look to see what the “therefore” is there for.

    Chapter 4 is about how we should act and be in the church, from edification to preaching and how we all fit into the body of Christ.

    So then entering into Chapter 5 Paul begins to set boundaries of what NOT to do and even continues into verse 6 to warn us: “Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience.” and 7: “Be not ye therefore partakers with them”

    The beginning of Chapter 5 is exactly what you have described as a boundary and says nothing about being “imitators of God.”

    I see that you are in error and am called to “…restore such an one in the spirit of meekness…” Galatians 6:1
    Full Verse “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

    In love,

    Tim

    1. Thank-you Tim for your comment. I must admit, I am having a hard time seeing what you are saying, but will continue to look at this passage asking the Holy Spirit to show me if I have erred in my understanding.

      While KJV does say “followers” rather than “imitators,” ESV, and NASB, which are both very literal translations from the original Greek use the word imitators. And as I look at Ephesians 4, which is basically a giant list of boundaries set forth by God for us to live by, the “therefore be imitators of God” seems to me to say exactly what I am suggesting it says, which is that we live our lives as imitators of God in what we do. Not that we do everything He does, for we surely cannot as we are not God and He is. But in the things we can do, the daily decisions we make, and the principles by which we live our lives, we should do our best to allow His Spirit to lead us to follow His examples set forth in Scripture. Plain and simple. I just struggle to see how this is not an acceptable concept according to this passage.

      But as I said, I appreciate your admonition, and will continue to look at this, as will my husband, genuinely asking God to show me, or lead me through my husband’s council if I am in error.

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