Psalms 56: For the Women Down in the Trenches

Psalms 56: For the Women Down in the Trenches

At the moment, my story is full of hope.  My love is seeking and following God and the Holy Spirit is doing a mighty work and making him new.  Our faithful God is healing me, He is healing our children, and He is restoring our unity.  I praise Him for all of this!

But at the time that I first started this blog, that was not my story.  Our situation was as broken as it had ever been and I felt total hopelessness for our marriage, and frankly for my future.  I don’t ever want to forget how that felt because as God is bringing people to this blog, He has given me the honor of sharing in their pain.  Women have opened their hearts to me through private messages and shared the details of their situations.  The sin of sexual addiction runs rampant in our world and people are hurting!  Families are being destroyed.  Hearts are being broken.  Lives are being ruined and even lost!  The enemy is winning far too many battles.  It can be easy to question where God is in all of these stories.  To begin to doubt His sovereignty and His loving care.  But Scripture reminds us that He is there.  He is working, even when we can’t see it.  The enemy may seem to be winning the battles, but the war is already won.  I would like to share a Psalm (Thanks Mom for pointing me to this passage!) that I hope will be a great encouragement to these precious women who are hurting so badly right now.  You know who you are.  Thank-you for sharing your stories with me.  I am honored to be able to pray with you through this terrible season.  May we each find peace and joy and hope in our Lord and Savior and in His constant love and faithfulness to us!

Psalms 56
Oh God, have mercy on me, for people are hounding me.
My foes attack me all day long.
I am constantly hounded by those who slander me,
and many are boldly attacking me.
But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you.
I praise God for what He has promised.
I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?
What can mere mortals do to me?
They are always twisting what I say;
they spend their days plotting to harm me.
They come together to spy on me –
watching my every step, eager to kill me.
Don’t let them get away with their wickedness;
in Your anger, Oh God, bring them down.

There is an ugliness that comes with sexual addictions.  I don’t know if it’s the deep internal guilt, or if the hearts of the addicts are just so hard that it makes them mean.  But something causes so many of these men (there are probably women too, I just don’t really know about that.) to attack the wives they have already betrayed and hurt so badly.  They blame.  They name-call. They tear down every ounce of self-worth they can get their hands on.  If they know of a weapon (a dirty secret or a shameful reaction) they use it.  One man even had his wife put in jail.  First he cheated on her for 16 years, lying to her all along and leading a double life, then he dragged her through months of painful discovery as he admitted to only bits and pieces of his waywardness.  Finally, he told her that he wanted a divorce, and in her desperation and anger she pushed him into the counter and he scratched his arm on the dish strainer. HE pressed assault charges against HER and now she’s the one with the criminal record!  Can you even imagine?  Other men have turned pastors and even whole churches against their wives by keeping their own sins a secret while telling anyone who would listen lies and distorted half-truths about these desperately hurting ladies.

I am amazed at the unshakable faith so many of these brave women have even though they feel much like David did when he penned this beautiful psalm.  They are being hounded, and slandered, and they are under constant attack!  Their lives are in ruins, their minds are plagued by fear and depression.  Their futures here on this earth are so uncertain, they can’t see even a shadow of what lies ahead.  Yet in the midst of their fear these precious sisters put their trust in the Lord! They cling to His promises. Click To Tweet They understand that they are under the care of the High King of Heaven and mere men can do nothing that He doesn’t allow.  They somehow find the strength to believe that if He is allowing the pain and the misery that they must endure then He will use it for their good!  They appeal to Him, as David did, to rescue them.  What glorious faith!

Ladies, you are true treasures!  I am so blessed by your steadfast loyalty to our great God and so honored to call you my friends!  Your Heavenly Father is so very pleased with you, and you are so precious to Him!

 

 

You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in Your bottle.
You have recorded each one in Your book.

My precious, hurting sisters, my heart breaks for each and every one of you.  I want so badly to be able to somehow fix all of our stories, and make them into fairy-tales.  But I can’t.  What I can do, is reassure you; reassure us all that God cares.  That He hurts too.  These sins are a betrayal against Him as well, and he feels every sting, every sorrow.  I love the picture of Him collecting our tears in His bottle,  (Some of us may need buckets!)  because it reminds me of the verse that says that one day He will wipe away every tear.  He is collecting each one, recording them so that one glorious day, He can wipe them all away!  That’s a promise.  I pray it brings you hope and encouragement and the strength to face another day!  He loves you so much!

 

My enemies will retreat when I call to You for help.
This I know: God is on my side!
I praise God for what He has promised;
yes, I praise the Lord for what He has promised.
I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?
What can mere mortals do to me?

I don’t know when, and I don’t know how; but I do know that God will ease your suffering dear sisters, one way or another.  I know that the enemies of our souls – the forces of darkness will retreat at the sound of His mighty Name.  Call to Him for help because this is the promise – God is on your side! Click To Tweet Sometimes He asks us to wait a very long time before He reveals the purposes of His plans.  It can be so hard to wait!  But He always provides what we need to get through it!  I know you already are, but let’s call to Him together once more.

“Dear God, help my precious sisters!  They are wounded warriors in this dark battle.  Upset the plots of their enemies.  Take care of the details that weigh them down.  Give them hope and help them to feel Your love!  They are being torn apart by mere men.  You are God!  All powerful.  All knowing.  Mighty to save.  Perfect in all of Your ways.  You can change these men.  I’ve seen it.  You can redeem these stories! I’m living it!  You can provide for their every need.  You hold us all in Your mighty hands.  Help these women, Your faithful followers, Your dearly loved daughters!  Wrap Your loving arms around them and hold them close.  They are more precious than rubies! We are trusting in You!

I will fulfill my vows to You, Oh God, and I will offer a sacrifice of thanks for Your help.
For You have rescued me from death; You have kept my feet from slipping.
So now I can walk in Your presence, Oh God, in Your life-giving light!

Praise Him! In Jesus’s Name, amen!”

16 Comments

  1. Thank you for bringing light to this important, albeit uncomfortable, topic. Do you have any advice for how we can help these women?

    1. Author

      Thank-you Kate! What a great question, I could probably dedicate an entire post to answer it. Maybe I will soon. I think there is a lot to learn from Job’s friends about what NOT to do… and I think the verse that says, “rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn.” Is a good starting place. Any advise that is given should be backed by Scripture. Look for ways to speak truth into their situations… distortions of reality are weapon #1 of the enemy! You have inspired me. I am going to start working on a post about this. Thanks!

  2. Yes, thank you Esther Hosea! God has given you a true gift with the way you express scripture and put into words your inspiring thoughts. Your blogs are so precious and beautiful and incredibly helpful for so many. Thank you so much for writing this!!!

    1. Author

      Thank-you sweet friend! I am so thankful for you!

  3. Ah dear Esther…another lovingly written post from your heart. You are a gift of hope to many women in the words you’ve sent out today. I have never walked in your shoes but I know women who have. Your words, though heartbreaking, resound truth in what women whose spouses struggle in this way go through. Continue to bless and encourage these women. May the Lord continue to use you as a vessel of healing. God bless you sister.

    1. Author

      Thank-you Rosie! Your encourager’s heart is such an inspiration to me! I want to be like you – using the gifts He gives to honor Him!

  4. I’ve been in the trenches in my marriage for a long time, but I too have seen how God can renew and restore. I love how I see our story unfolding. I can’t wait to see how it turns out. I strive to just be faithful and let Him work it out.

    1. Author

      Jennifer, Yes, yes, yes!!! So sorry for your pain, but love to see a heart committed to God and His timing! Keep fighting for His glory, the rewards will be eternal!!!

  5. Very inspiring post. Thank you for shining light on a topic that is often discussed from a carnal perspective and not from a godly perspective. I will be praying for women that are experiencing this in their lives.

    1. Author

      Thank-you Calandra! Prayer is truly one of the most powerful things we can do for one another!

  6. So powerfully and tenderly written, may Elohim comfort all the broken hearted and give them beauty for ashes.. I am rejoicing with you as I read that the Lord is raising you with healing on your wings to bless many, many other ladies…

  7. A very powerful post ….I may not have experienced this but I know women and a friend who has gone through this road….We need to speak up and pray more on this topic
    Have a great day

    1. Author

      Debbie, it’s everywhere! And so hidden!

  8. It’s amazing how the Lord works! My husband and I will be sharing our testimony at church this coming Sunday, and I “stumbled” onto your blog tonight. Two years ago, he admitted to me his addiction to porn. It was a very dark time, but I am so thankful for what the Lord has done! You keep sharing this message. Sexual sin is the secret sin that no one wants to talk about, but it’s the one destroying us.

    1. Author

      That is so encouraging Sabrina! I’m so glad God is using your story for His glory! I will pray that He speaks through both of you this Sunday morning! It is definitely a topic that needs a lot more attention from the church! We have the only answer, and we’re too often turning a blind eye so that we don’t have to be uncomfortable. Praising God for people like you and your husband who are standing in the gap and shedding light into the darkness! God bless!

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