People far wiser than myself have named three stages to the process of healing from Betrayal Trauma, and as a survivor, I can definitely find pieces of my own story in each of those stages. But I’m here to tell you, the journey to healing is not linear. We won’t move through them in one direction or in a straight line. Instead, we’ll circle in and out and in between the three in no predictable manner, and with no assurance that we won’t go back again later. There have been days when I really believed myself much further down the path to healing than I have found myself on the next. If you’re healing from Betrayal Trauma, you’ll likely experience the same, and I want you to know, it’s okay! Not only is it okay, it’s expected, normal, and really even healthy!
The Bible tells a story of a woman – a widow who persistently sought justice from an evil judge. Jesus encouraged us to approach our Heavenly Father with that same kind of persistence in prayer, knowing He will surely grant us justice – and quickly! This is the story of my own persistent prayer.
The crucifixion and the resurrection of Jesus Christ – Forgiveness & Redemption. The whole of Christianity hinges on those two events, and what they made possible. Yesterday marked the end of Holy Week with the celebration of Easter – Resurrection Sunday – so what better time to talk about how those two words – Forgiveness & Redemption – have impacted our little family this past year?
The crucifixion and the resurrection of Jesus Christ – Forgiveness & Redemption. The whole of Christianity hinges on those two events, and what they made possible. Yesterday marked the beginning of Holy Week, so what better time to talk about how those two words – Forgiveness & Redemption – have impacted our little family in this past year?
I’ve been putting off writing about this part of our story for months. It’s one thing to tell you all about me and my love. We’re both adults who have mutually decided to share our story. But talking about our kids in depth is another thing. Like me, they didn’t ask to be thrown into this story. They’re victims of the terrible decisions of another. I want to protect them as much as possible. Still, deciding how to handle the family dynamics after intimate betrayal is a major problem that everyone in this situation has to navigate, and my readers have asked again and again for more information on why we decided to tell our kids, how we did it, and how they’ve handled it. So, here goes.
What will God Do to be My First Love? “Why is God allowing this to happen to me?” It’s a question that hung in my…
On February 6, 2017 I anxiously posted an announcement onto a social media page inviting the world to check out my blog. I was scared to death! I had registered my blog with WordPress on January 21st, just a few short weeks before. In those weeks I had been writing and learning like a whirlwind. The blog consisted of an “About Me” page, and a three-part series detailing “Our Story.” I also had two additional posts mostly ready to go. Nonetheless, I had no idea what I was doing. Little did I know what God had in store for the year to come!
I am so excited to be writing this post! When I started this blog almost one year ago, I had no idea where our story was headed. All I knew was that God was asking me to share it, so I did. I was scared to death. As 2016 ended and 2017 began, I was broken and hurting. I feared my marriage was over, that my husband was lost, and that I was worthless and disposable. I was the lowest I had ever been. It wasn’t much different for my love, or for our marriage. We were at our all-time low, and we had no idea what the future would hold. No idea… But as we ended Chapter 3 of Our Story, we clung to a verse:
Isaiah 43:18-19 – But forget all that – it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.
We never would have guessed what God was up to! We’ve had front row seats to a real-life miracle, and we are in awe!
When I was a child I always believed that I would end up on the mission field myself one day, but God hasn’t yet opened that door. Every time our church sent out a missions team I longed to be a part of it, but circumstances never allowed it. As our children grew that longing deepened, as I wanted so desperately to expose them to those same lessons I had learned as a child. But alas, the dream seemed impossible since I knew it was very unlikely to ever get my love to agree to go. I couldn’t seem to get him to catch my passion, no matter how hard I tried; no matter how hard I prayed. Trip after trip after trip passed us by.
Our Bible reading plan through those first few months took us through Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy. (The story of Moses and the Israelites) If you’ve ever read them, you know these books can become somewhat difficult to get through. Once you get past the first half of Exodus there isn’t a whole lot of narrative, at least not in big chunks. Instead, there are seemingly endless lists of laws, regulations, instructions on how to build the tabernacle, instructions on how to divide the land, inventories of materials needed to build the tabernacle, genealogies, and other lengthy records. Meanwhile when sections of narrative do show up they can be exasperating as the people of Israel complain, argue, and disobey God time and time again. Of course, it’s Scripture, which means it’s inspired by God and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training. Never has that truth been more clear to me than in these past few months as my love has devoured these words of God and found beautiful lessons each and every day in some of the most unlikely places. What a joy it is to witness the work of the Holy Spirit in the life of someone you love!
Yesterday I told you what our plan has looked like for the past 45 days and then I told you how God has been working in me to bring healing. Today I would like to tell you what God has been doing in my husband for the past month and half. You guys, I have been praying for this for so long and it is a joy to see all those prayers finally bearing some fruit!
Well, we’re halfway through the 90 day therapeutic separation. I thought it would be a good idea to give a little update because God has been doing some big stuff! We ended up changing a few of the parameters to the plan after about a week. I’d like to explain those changes and then get to telling you about some of those big ole mountains God has been moving.
Do you ever come across a song that seems to have been written just for you? Or, do you ever turn the radio on and feel like God orchestrated the song that was playing right at that moment so that He could speak directly to you? Those are the moments when God feels so near, so personal, aren’t they? This happened most recently for me with Skillet’s song, Stars from their latest album, Unleashed. The very first time I heard it I was right in the thick of those dark months I wrote about here where I was questioning God’s love for me. It was beautiful, and the words made me weep!
As our story continued, we decided a therapeutic separation would serve us well in our journey to healing. In this very raw post, I poured my heart out on the night my husband moved out. I had no idea what was going to come next. But God…
This is the darkest chapter of our story. In this chapter, the full force of my love’s sexual addiction hit our marriage like a tsunami, sweeping our world out from under us! But God…