Establishing strong, Biblical boundaries is one of the hardest, yet most important things for a betrayed wife to do. Really, for any believer to do. Unfortunately, it’s a task that leaves most of us wondering where and how to even start. Many of us have spent our lives believing that unconditional love looks different than the Bible actually describes it. But God sets strong boundaries with us, and He makes it clear in Scripture that we are to do the same in our relationships. All of them. So, we’re going to spend the next 6 weeks exploring what the Bible has to say about boundaries. We’ll learn what Biblical boundaries look like, how to set them up, and how being obedient in this area ultimately puts God in control.
Several weeks ago I had the great honor and privilege to be interviewed by Anne for the Betrayal Trauma Recovery Podcast. What a pleasure it was to talk to her that afternoon! Click through our link to listen to the whole podcast and get to know me a little better!
I’m excited to do something a little different here today. Hopefully, this will turn into a series over time and we’ll have the opportunity to hear from many Dearly Loved Daughters of the Lord God Almighty who have overcome intimate betrayal through His mighty power.
Star has been a friend of the His Dearly Loved Daughter ministry from very early on. She was one of the first people to find this blog organically (not through a FB group for fellow bloggers) and message me with words of encouragement. She’s about one year ahead of me on the road to recovery, so her encouragement was helpful in those days when I was still very VERY raw.
We’ve been looking at what the Bible has to teach us about self-care. Over the past three weeks we’ve learned that Jesus demonstrated self-care by making a habit of spending time alone with His Father, and by intentionally developing other spiritual disciplines. We learned that as members of the body of Christ, good self-care will include our whole body – the church. Finally, last week we learned that making time to rest is not only good self-care, but is commanded by God Himself. We also learned that there is really only one Source for true rest – Jesus Christ. This week, let’s wrap this series up by nailing down some solid, practical steps we can all take in order to implement some good, Biblical self-care. Let’s commit to making each step a regular part of our lives.
Today we’re going to examine how self-care relates to “His body.” Last week we looked to the example of Jesus to try and learn what true, Biblical self-care looks like. We discovered that Jesus did, in fact, practice self-care during His time here on earth. Though, it didn’t really look much like the picture the world tries to paint for us.
Jesus made spending time alone with His Father a priority. He went through grueling spiritual preparations before entering into battle with Satan. He was in tune with the Holy Spirit, and willing to change His plans if God led Him a different way. Each of these things required intention, and Jesus was committed to taking care of Himself in order to be fully equipped for the job to which His Father had called Him. Are we called to anything less? (If you have a few minutes, and you didn’t have a chance to read last week’s post, do it now. It lays a solid foundation for what we’re going to discuss today.)
Now let’s look a little more closely at one surprising area in which the Bible calls us to be intentional in our self-care efforts.
One of the most difficult parts of recovering from intimate betrayal is learning how and when to start allowing trust to be rebuilt. This becomes especially difficult when there have been multiple betrayals strung out over long periods of time, with periods of believed sobriety in between. How can we ever know what’s true when life has been one huge lie after another? How can we ever believe that the evidences of change are real this time when they’ve been nothing more than a mirage so many times before? While things are going very well for us right now, I’d be lying if I said this isn’t still a huge (HUGE) struggle for me. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13 that love always trusts; and the life of a Christian is supposed to be defined by love. So, it’s vital that I learn how to find truth and who, what, why, when, and how to trust.
The sin of sexual addiction runs rampant in our world and people are hurting! Families are being destroyed. Hearts are being broken. Lives are being ruined and even lost! The enemy is winning far too many battles. It can be easy to question where God is in all of these stories. To begin to doubt His sovereignty and His loving care. But Scripture reminds us that He is there. He is working, even when we can’t see it. The enemy may seem to be winning the battles, but the war is already won. I would like to share a Psalm that I hope will be a great encouragement to the precious women who are hurting so badly right now because of it.
I have just read, Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal, by Barbara Steffens, PhD, LPCC, and Marsha Means, MA. I have to say, I’ve read a lot of helpful books in the last few years, but this one is by far the best one yet! I really cannot recommend it more highly. In fact, I recommend this book not only to the spouses of sex/porn addicts, but also to anyone who is trying to understand or help those partners. This book will offer so much insight into the trauma that the betrayed spouse deals with everyday. Both my love and I read it, and while it helped me immensely, I think the greatest value it offered was to my love. He has a very hard time with empathy in general, but this book really opened his eyes to my pain. It was a Godsend to us both!
Are you a betrayed wife who is fiercely committed to seeking and following God as you heal? Are you looking for a community of like-minded women also recovering from betrayal trauma? Would you like to join our secret Facebook support group? Connect with Cherith on Facebook, and send me a private message to request to be added.
Or, contact me via email if you just need someone to talk to who understands and is committed to gently pointing you toward Jesus.